Hooked

When we think addict, we think drugs, alcohol, even sex. When I think addict, I think each and every one of us. We're all addicted to something, because the reality of life is, addictions are so easy to form.

It begins with a habit - That Dunkin Donuts trip you make every morning for an iced coffee, that run you go on after class every day, even that television show you drop everything to watch at the same time every week. Pretty soon, those habits mold themselves into addictions, of sorts. They may not be the most common example of an addiction, but when one is addicted to something, the brain generally does the same thing.

You see, an addiction is simply a response, when we repeatedly do something in which the outcome is registered in our brain as rewarding. For example, the fact that without your iced coffee you feel sluggish, tired, cranky, or even a bit off, means that your brain as grown to associate that iced coffee, more particularly the time that you get it (if it is consistent every day), with feeling awake, alert, and happy. Anything we use to boost our mood can become an addiction, if we let it.

It's not to say this is a bad thing, I'm just simply educating those of you who are curious as to why caffeine and sugar can be considered addictions, as most people make the false assumption that an addiction has to be 'bad.'

The sad truth is, even people can be addicting, or rather, the feeling that they give us. If you've ever been in love - head over heels, do anything for this person, can't sleep at night when things aren't right between you kind of love - you know exactly what I'm talking about. This person is the fuel you use to drag yourself out of bed in morning; they are the driving force that makes you want to be a better you. Just knowing you get to see them later is all that you need to keep a smile on  your face. One argument and it seems as if your world is crumbling around you. Suddenly, all you want to do is crawl into bed and sleep because the reality of them being upset with you is more than you can bear.

I like to think of love as a unique kind of drug, one that has the ability to give us a thrilling, endless high, like we're weightless, floating above the rest of the world in a place where everything fits, operates perfectly, moves together like clockwork, smooth and peaceful, almost melodic. Then, in a matter of seconds, it's as if gravity has been turned back on without warning, sending us crashing back to Earth, bruised, and broken, any hope for happiness seemingly millions of miles away. Yet, we lust for it after it's gone even though it hurts. Even though every fiber of our being is telling us we're better off without it, our heart rules over all and we find ourselves seeking a replacement - We just want that feeling back. Much like a withdrawal, we're sick, bedridden, too tired and sad to do much of anything. We barely recognize ourselves anymore. If only they would come back.

That's beauty of life though, the pain never lasts. In time, our motivation will return to us and we will begin to go about our lives without feeling as if by force. Days will go by without shedding a single tear and soon enough, we'll start to notice they don't cross our minds nearly as much as they used to. We'll start to smile and laugh again, and we may even catch ourselves glancing at a fresh face, wondering if maybe, love could feel the same with them.

Addictions are so easy to form.

Knowledge Is Power

"My heart didn't break into a thousand pieces after he left. Instead, I realized all the things he didn't do. He didn't want to hear my stories. He didn't ask me questions. He didn't smile when I was talking to him. He didn't hug me out of the blue to make me feel good. His hugs were always a preamble to something else and after he was gone, I wondered if he ever knew me at all."


This quote only begins to touch upon the seriousness of this post. When I say that I pay attention to the little things, I'm in no sense, exaggerating. I may not remember how to find the circumference of the sun or the reason why some people are born with blue eyes even though both their parents have the genes for brown ones, but I can almost guarantee that if you were to tell me something about yourself, regardless of what it was, I'd probably be able to recall your exact words fifty years from now (given that my brain hasn't turned to mush by then). 


I've said it before, but just to reiterate, getting to know someone goes beyond idle chit-chat. You can be friends with someone since the fifth grade and still not know a single thing about them. You could be dating someone for five years and not know that they had a passion for art or that they wanted to be a doctor when they grew up but their parents didn't have the money for Medical school.


Unless you're me, you probably don't go around dishing out random facts about yourself, and that's probably because we're growing up in a world that has taught us that it's better to 'fit in' than stand out, yet we continue to encourage everyone to 'be themselves'. Thus, we keep our REAL hobbies and dreams to ourselves, for the most part, in fear that people will judge us or that we will come across as 'different' (God forbid).


I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, those of us who don't care much about other people's opinions have no problem voicing the fact that we enjoy books in which the main character struggles in some way, that we hate scary movies because they give us nightmares, that writing is something we're passionate about, and that peppermint gum makes us feel sick despite the popular belief that it is, in fact, supposed to ease the feeling of nausea. Although that may not seem like crucial information, the fact that some people I've been 'friends' with for years couldn't even tell you any of that, saddens me. Just because you can state the obvious: favorite color, family member's name, etc., doesn't mean that you truly KNOW a person.

It all comes down to your listening skills. Too often we prematurely label something as insignificant, and thus make it easily forgettable, banned to the back of our minds where it will reside until someone has reminded us for the fifth time, and are now extremely offended to have to tell us again, that they're allergic to chocolate. If we allowed ourselves to pay attention to people when they talk, we would learn a thing or two.


I know I've already posted about listening and how crucial it is, but I don't think people understand how much they miss when they choose to disregard the things that people bring up or point out in a conversation.


For example, I can't remember what movie it was, but this one scene immediately etched itself into my mind forever: the girlfriend was being pursued by this other guy, even though she already had a boyfriend. The boyfriend was some popular douche bag jock who didn't know a thing about her. The other boy proved this point to her by telling her the scent/flavor of her favorite chewing gum, something she later brings up to her boyfriend who can't tell her what it is to save his life and then dismisses it as something that 'doesn't matter.' The point being that it may not be the most important piece of information in the world, but the fact that this boy, whom she had never paid much attention to, could tell her more about herself than her boyfriend, whom she spent endless amount of time with, made her wonder who truly cared more for her.


It makes me wonder how many of the people I've dated actually knew me at all, or just pretended to out of fear that I'd hand them a pop quiz and dump them if they failed...


I don't expect people to remember literally every little thing that comes out of my mouth, because, let's face it, that'd be impossible. I do expect that those I consider myself close to remember the things I tell them, like the fact that I write, or that, until recently I was deathly afraid of heights, that I'd do anything to be able to sing, that I don't believe in marriage (and why I feel this way), or even the reason why I cannot stand goats. 


My point being, please, just listen.

Kick It

I came across this post I had written three years ago, and decided, I still like it...

Have you ever wondered how people do it? How people manage to put out their cigarettes, or put down that bottle, and simply walk away? I have. My whole life, which is a whopping twenty years, I've been astounded by the strength these people have. I'm not justifying their behavior, I'm well aware they fell into that black hole all on their own, however, what we tend to overlook is how much it takes out of someone to be able to lift themselves back out of said hole. Let me try to put it into perspective for you: Let's say you have a routine, you get up, maybe you shower, maybe you eat breakfast, whatever you do, it's probably not something you think about, you just do; it's second nature. That, my friend, is called a habit, and although your habit may not be threatening to your life, it's still something you'd notice if you didn't do it. It's similar to those who roll out of bed and stick a needle in their arm; it's how they get through their day. Similar to those of you who may need a steaming hot cup of coffee to wake you up before work. It's the same thing, you're just lucky enough to have found something socially acceptable, where as they have not.

So now that I've got you thinking, consider this. What if you were to have an addiction so bad that if you do not start and end your day in a drunken stupor or a thrilling high, you feel empty? What if, every time you took out a razor, rolled a joint, or took a swig from a bottle, you didn't think about what you were doing? You couldn't think about what you were doing, because deep down you know it's hurting someone other than yourself, whether it be your family, your friends, your son or daughter; whomever it is, you know you're letting them down. But what if this was all you had, what if, despite all those people who love you, this was all that could make you feel alive? This was all you had to drag you through one day after another; the fuel that kept you going...

Tell me now, do you feel redemption for these people? I do. Yes, what they're doing is wrong, what they're doing isn't a way out, isn't a right answer, isn't this and isn't that, but instead of trying to scold them, to point out their wrongs, shouldn't we try and help them? They're people too; they're people in danger at that. And weren't we taught, since we were young, that helping people is good? It shouldn't matter what someone needs help with, one should be willing to do so regardless.

I know I am.

So take a second, and think. I'm sure you know someone, someone you care about, who has a problem. And if you don't, you're the luckiest human being in the whole world and you should be beyond thankful for not having to watch them suffer day in and day out.

But, to those of you who do know someone, just think of the last time you tried to help them. I'm not talking about getting them help, they won't listen to you. They won't listen to you yelling, or you telling them how disappointed they've made you; they've learned to be numb to words such as those. No, instead think of the last time you told them you loved them, told them you cared, told them you were there for them, told them they're not a sorry excuse of a person, a failure, etc.

Really think, because if you don't, it's as if you're allowing them to do this. It's as if you're willingly letting them take minutes, hours, days, off their lives, simply because you're too 'proud' to let them know you care.

Put your pride aside, please. Don't make the mistake I did. Please, help those you love. Don't let them go, ever. You can be angry at them, you can resent them for what they've done, but please don't ever cut ties, don’t ever walk out on them. They know they're hurting you, but they need to know you care, they need it. They need it much more than you need to prove a point.

Don't let them go, because you will lose them. That's a promise I'm willing to make.