Heartbreak Warfare

There comes a time when you begin to understand that the only sensible thing left to do is leave. I thought I had made that realization months ago, but I never really paid for the loss, because although I didn't see it then, in my heart I knew that it wasn't really over, not this time.

Now, I'm paying for it dearly. I never thought I'd feel like this again. The worst part is the unpredictable cycle of numbness and pain - I'd  like to think I prefer one over the other, but to be honest, it's hard to bear either.

All my careful stitching made over the years, patching up old wounds, thought to be healed over, nothing but pale pink scars, are now bursting at the seams as my poor heart aches for something, someone, that I will never be able to call mine again. I used to chuckle at those who claimed to be heartbroken, thinking to myself, what a ridiculous thing to say - You're heart cannot break without resulting in your death, in fact, love and loss have very little affect on the heart, the pain and suffering we supposedly feel after loss is some chemical reaction occurring in our brains. But, I've changed my mind since then, even with the knowledge of what actually happens. Having experienced the awful sensation myself, I have no better terminology for it than heartbreak - The initial feelings are a lot like what I picture death to be, at first; Filled with sorrow and longing for the life we used to know, then comes the numbness and pain, just when you think you've finally managed to cope, they sneak up behind you and drag you under again. But, you do get better, in time. It's a slow process, but it's possible.

I can tell myself a million times a day that it will get better, that I've done this before, that there will be someone else, but my efforts will be wasted because the truth is, I don't truly believe it. I suppose, the only thing left to do is wait, wait and hope, against all odds, that this is some kind of awful dream. That when you asked for time, you actually meant just a few weeks. But if that were the truth, why am I the only one you need time from? And why did you lie? Figured it'd make me feel better if I knew I wasn't the only one being cast away, left in the dark?I wish you'd just be honest.

I didn't even get a reason, a goodbye, nothing. I think that's what makes this all so difficult. At least with a goodbye, there's something to cling to, to remind us that it really is, over.

Time away from someone allows one to see things in a new light, and, more often than not that time away makes the decision to leave a lot easier, knowing you can bear it, that things will, in fact, be okay.

I don't want to do this again, but I haven't got a choice, now do I? That's the worst part, knowing there isn't a single thing you can do - Either hold on or let go, but their mind is made up.

Heartbreak warfare....

Timing is Everything

Often times it's not until the opportunity has long since come and gone that we're kicking ourselves in the ass for not taking it. As of late it's been a reoccurring theme in my life; I can't seem to make up my mind, that is until something has occurred to make the decision for me, and here I am left wondering, is this what I really wanted?  But it doesn't matter, does it? Because I am the world's worst decision maker and tend to sit back and let things play themselves out, having recently realized that more than 50% of the time I am not satisfied with the results. So why is it that, despite knowing this, I continue to do it? I mean, what's so difficult about a little risk every now and then? But that's exactly it, for some God awful reason I cannot bring myself to do a single thing, convinced it's 'better' to be safe than sorry. I'm really starting to understand this isn't the case for some things, though.

Contrary to the popular saying 'it's better to be safe than sorry' is another quote that is something along the lines of, it is better to have given something a try only to find out that it wouldn't or couldn't work out than to live the rest of your life wondering 'what if.' Thus, I'm beginning to reconsider my thought process. How many more missed opportunities will it take for me to just throw caution to the wind and forget about the consequences for the time being, because, in all actuality, I do know what I want a majority of the time, it's just that I'm too scared to go after it for fear that it'll turn out to be everything I've been waiting for. Makes sense, right? WRONG. The only thing that makes sense is that I talk a big game but take little initiative in going after what I really want; waiting for things to just magically fall into my lap. Wishful thinking.

In addition to my being the worst decision maker, I am also one of the most confusing individuals. One second I'm sure that, without a doubt, I don't want something, but as soon as I see someone else with it, my brain finally breaks free from this wall of lies that I've built up around it, telling me I'm an idiot. 

When it comes down to it, I need to stop lying to myself. So what if I look like a fool? At least I took a chance. I'd rather live life on the edge than spend my time taking up too much space with all of my worries.

Easier said than done, however. Everybody's gotta learn things on there own, I'm just hoping that in admitting my wrongs, I can make the right changes so that I'm not left wishing that was me.

Timing is everything.

Hooked

When we think addict, we think drugs, alcohol, even sex. When I think addict, I think each and every one of us. We're all addicted to something, because the reality of life is, addictions are so easy to form.

It begins with a habit - That Dunkin Donuts trip you make every morning for an iced coffee, that run you go on after class every day, even that television show you drop everything to watch at the same time every week. Pretty soon, those habits mold themselves into addictions, of sorts. They may not be the most common example of an addiction, but when one is addicted to something, the brain generally does the same thing.

You see, an addiction is simply a response, when we repeatedly do something in which the outcome is registered in our brain as rewarding. For example, the fact that without your iced coffee you feel sluggish, tired, cranky, or even a bit off, means that your brain as grown to associate that iced coffee, more particularly the time that you get it (if it is consistent every day), with feeling awake, alert, and happy. Anything we use to boost our mood can become an addiction, if we let it.

It's not to say this is a bad thing, I'm just simply educating those of you who are curious as to why caffeine and sugar can be considered addictions, as most people make the false assumption that an addiction has to be 'bad.'

The sad truth is, even people can be addicting, or rather, the feeling that they give us. If you've ever been in love - head over heels, do anything for this person, can't sleep at night when things aren't right between you kind of love - you know exactly what I'm talking about. This person is the fuel you use to drag yourself out of bed in morning; they are the driving force that makes you want to be a better you. Just knowing you get to see them later is all that you need to keep a smile on  your face. One argument and it seems as if your world is crumbling around you. Suddenly, all you want to do is crawl into bed and sleep because the reality of them being upset with you is more than you can bear.

I like to think of love as a unique kind of drug, one that has the ability to give us a thrilling, endless high, like we're weightless, floating above the rest of the world in a place where everything fits, operates perfectly, moves together like clockwork, smooth and peaceful, almost melodic. Then, in a matter of seconds, it's as if gravity has been turned back on without warning, sending us crashing back to Earth, bruised, and broken, any hope for happiness seemingly millions of miles away. Yet, we lust for it after it's gone even though it hurts. Even though every fiber of our being is telling us we're better off without it, our heart rules over all and we find ourselves seeking a replacement - We just want that feeling back. Much like a withdrawal, we're sick, bedridden, too tired and sad to do much of anything. We barely recognize ourselves anymore. If only they would come back.

That's beauty of life though, the pain never lasts. In time, our motivation will return to us and we will begin to go about our lives without feeling as if by force. Days will go by without shedding a single tear and soon enough, we'll start to notice they don't cross our minds nearly as much as they used to. We'll start to smile and laugh again, and we may even catch ourselves glancing at a fresh face, wondering if maybe, love could feel the same with them.

Addictions are so easy to form.

Knowledge Is Power

"My heart didn't break into a thousand pieces after he left. Instead, I realized all the things he didn't do. He didn't want to hear my stories. He didn't ask me questions. He didn't smile when I was talking to him. He didn't hug me out of the blue to make me feel good. His hugs were always a preamble to something else and after he was gone, I wondered if he ever knew me at all."


This quote only begins to touch upon the seriousness of this post. When I say that I pay attention to the little things, I'm in no sense, exaggerating. I may not remember how to find the circumference of the sun or the reason why some people are born with blue eyes even though both their parents have the genes for brown ones, but I can almost guarantee that if you were to tell me something about yourself, regardless of what it was, I'd probably be able to recall your exact words fifty years from now (given that my brain hasn't turned to mush by then). 


I've said it before, but just to reiterate, getting to know someone goes beyond idle chit-chat. You can be friends with someone since the fifth grade and still not know a single thing about them. You could be dating someone for five years and not know that they had a passion for art or that they wanted to be a doctor when they grew up but their parents didn't have the money for Medical school.


Unless you're me, you probably don't go around dishing out random facts about yourself, and that's probably because we're growing up in a world that has taught us that it's better to 'fit in' than stand out, yet we continue to encourage everyone to 'be themselves'. Thus, we keep our REAL hobbies and dreams to ourselves, for the most part, in fear that people will judge us or that we will come across as 'different' (God forbid).


I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, those of us who don't care much about other people's opinions have no problem voicing the fact that we enjoy books in which the main character struggles in some way, that we hate scary movies because they give us nightmares, that writing is something we're passionate about, and that peppermint gum makes us feel sick despite the popular belief that it is, in fact, supposed to ease the feeling of nausea. Although that may not seem like crucial information, the fact that some people I've been 'friends' with for years couldn't even tell you any of that, saddens me. Just because you can state the obvious: favorite color, family member's name, etc., doesn't mean that you truly KNOW a person.

It all comes down to your listening skills. Too often we prematurely label something as insignificant, and thus make it easily forgettable, banned to the back of our minds where it will reside until someone has reminded us for the fifth time, and are now extremely offended to have to tell us again, that they're allergic to chocolate. If we allowed ourselves to pay attention to people when they talk, we would learn a thing or two.


I know I've already posted about listening and how crucial it is, but I don't think people understand how much they miss when they choose to disregard the things that people bring up or point out in a conversation.


For example, I can't remember what movie it was, but this one scene immediately etched itself into my mind forever: the girlfriend was being pursued by this other guy, even though she already had a boyfriend. The boyfriend was some popular douche bag jock who didn't know a thing about her. The other boy proved this point to her by telling her the scent/flavor of her favorite chewing gum, something she later brings up to her boyfriend who can't tell her what it is to save his life and then dismisses it as something that 'doesn't matter.' The point being that it may not be the most important piece of information in the world, but the fact that this boy, whom she had never paid much attention to, could tell her more about herself than her boyfriend, whom she spent endless amount of time with, made her wonder who truly cared more for her.


It makes me wonder how many of the people I've dated actually knew me at all, or just pretended to out of fear that I'd hand them a pop quiz and dump them if they failed...


I don't expect people to remember literally every little thing that comes out of my mouth, because, let's face it, that'd be impossible. I do expect that those I consider myself close to remember the things I tell them, like the fact that I write, or that, until recently I was deathly afraid of heights, that I'd do anything to be able to sing, that I don't believe in marriage (and why I feel this way), or even the reason why I cannot stand goats. 


My point being, please, just listen.

Kick It

I came across this post I had written three years ago, and decided, I still like it...

Have you ever wondered how people do it? How people manage to put out their cigarettes, or put down that bottle, and simply walk away? I have. My whole life, which is a whopping twenty years, I've been astounded by the strength these people have. I'm not justifying their behavior, I'm well aware they fell into that black hole all on their own, however, what we tend to overlook is how much it takes out of someone to be able to lift themselves back out of said hole. Let me try to put it into perspective for you: Let's say you have a routine, you get up, maybe you shower, maybe you eat breakfast, whatever you do, it's probably not something you think about, you just do; it's second nature. That, my friend, is called a habit, and although your habit may not be threatening to your life, it's still something you'd notice if you didn't do it. It's similar to those who roll out of bed and stick a needle in their arm; it's how they get through their day. Similar to those of you who may need a steaming hot cup of coffee to wake you up before work. It's the same thing, you're just lucky enough to have found something socially acceptable, where as they have not.

So now that I've got you thinking, consider this. What if you were to have an addiction so bad that if you do not start and end your day in a drunken stupor or a thrilling high, you feel empty? What if, every time you took out a razor, rolled a joint, or took a swig from a bottle, you didn't think about what you were doing? You couldn't think about what you were doing, because deep down you know it's hurting someone other than yourself, whether it be your family, your friends, your son or daughter; whomever it is, you know you're letting them down. But what if this was all you had, what if, despite all those people who love you, this was all that could make you feel alive? This was all you had to drag you through one day after another; the fuel that kept you going...

Tell me now, do you feel redemption for these people? I do. Yes, what they're doing is wrong, what they're doing isn't a way out, isn't a right answer, isn't this and isn't that, but instead of trying to scold them, to point out their wrongs, shouldn't we try and help them? They're people too; they're people in danger at that. And weren't we taught, since we were young, that helping people is good? It shouldn't matter what someone needs help with, one should be willing to do so regardless.

I know I am.

So take a second, and think. I'm sure you know someone, someone you care about, who has a problem. And if you don't, you're the luckiest human being in the whole world and you should be beyond thankful for not having to watch them suffer day in and day out.

But, to those of you who do know someone, just think of the last time you tried to help them. I'm not talking about getting them help, they won't listen to you. They won't listen to you yelling, or you telling them how disappointed they've made you; they've learned to be numb to words such as those. No, instead think of the last time you told them you loved them, told them you cared, told them you were there for them, told them they're not a sorry excuse of a person, a failure, etc.

Really think, because if you don't, it's as if you're allowing them to do this. It's as if you're willingly letting them take minutes, hours, days, off their lives, simply because you're too 'proud' to let them know you care.

Put your pride aside, please. Don't make the mistake I did. Please, help those you love. Don't let them go, ever. You can be angry at them, you can resent them for what they've done, but please don't ever cut ties, don’t ever walk out on them. They know they're hurting you, but they need to know you care, they need it. They need it much more than you need to prove a point.

Don't let them go, because you will lose them. That's a promise I'm willing to make.

The pressure to be perfect

I look better, and by better I mean I look much more like myself, when I don't cake on make-up; plastering my eyelids with neon colors and pretending I just stepped off some Caribbean cruise with my, obviously fake, bronzed skin.

As of recent I've come to terms with the fact that I will never be fully satisfied with the way I look, not until I face reality, that is. There will always be girls who are prettier, thinner, tanner, and seemingly happier than me. But that doesn't mean that I'm hideous, fat, or depressed. In fact, until recently I hadn't realized how much happier I am when I don't put so much effort into my appearance. I tend to look  my 'best' when my outfit is thrown together at the last minute, my hair's still kind of wet from the shower, there's only trace of liner on my eyes, and some color dusted onto my cheeks.

I always laughed at the idea of being 'pretty' without make up. After all, they invented it for a reason, didn't they? But it's true. People have either disregarded or entirely forgotten the phrase a little goes a long way, instead choosing to resemble some airbrushed Barbie doll.

I'm not the first to admit that I've always been self-conscious, taking every negative comment, regarding my looks, to heart. Spending hours in front of a mirror trying to 'perfect' myself; making sure every strand of hair  fell perfectly in place, every eyelash was curled, every blemish hidden under layers of make up that usually didn't even come close to my actual skin tone...And all for what?

Certainly not to please some boy; they hardly ever notice your makeup. And if they do, it's probably because you're wearing too much. Let's face it, girls get ready for each other, whether anyone else will admit it or not. At the end of the day, a boy is more concerned with your clothes spending the night on their bedroom floor. It's girls that pass judgement if your dress it 'too tight' or your not having the best hair day. That's what we do, we pick at things, all the little imperfections. We hold magnifying glasses over one another in hopes to make ourselves feel a little better.

We all have insecurities.

So, what good does all the judging really do? There is not a single thing we actually gain from putting others down. Any confidence we feel after insulting someone is short-lived, made up, all in our heads. When you pick on others, you honestly just look like an complete asshole...

We are who we are, and the sooner we learn to embrace our flaws, along with everyone else's, the happier we'll be. There is no such thing as perfection. Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Just because someone doesn't dress like you or style their hair like you, doesn't mean they're not beautiful.

So ladies, next time you want to complain about how you're not getting the respect you 'deserve' consider this: it's probably because you've spent the last twenty minutes giving every girl in the bar the up-down and gossiping with your friends.

The second we start to accept one another the better off we'll be. I'm definitely not innocent when it comes to talking shit, especially when the green monster decides to rear it's ugly head because some girl looks wayyyyy better in the dress I tried on earlier today. It's not going to make me any prettier. So instead of criticizing her, I'm going to start telling the truth. If something looks good on someone, I'm going to tell them, and I'm going to mean it. A genuine compliment goes a long way, remember that.

I could go on forever about all of the things I don't like about myself, but it won't make them disappear. Besides, I find that to be truly happy with someone, I don't want to have to put on some act, pretending to be someone I'm not, always feeling the need to be dolled up. I want someone who still thinks I'm beautiful when I'm sporting sweat pants and have yet to shower.

The pressure to be perfect only exists when we give into it. Don't let anyone tell  you that you're not good enough just the way you are, because they're wrong. 

Rock what you've got <3

Run

I'm not training for any marathons. I'm not doing it to lose weight, although I've noticed some areas of my body starting to become toned and defined. I don't do it for the exercise, although I will admit that I'm seriously out of shape. I run because it helps.

It helps me think, like the fog of every day stress and bullshit (pardon my language) of life is being lifted, if only briefly, giving me a chance to see things clearly or at least in a different light. It helps me let go of things like anger and frustration. It allows for me to put all that negative energy into each and every step so that by the time I'm finished, too tired to go another inch, I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

My mind is always so crowded, thoughts constantly pushing and shoving one another in order to get to the front of the line, so to speak. My mind never rests. Running gives me that option. I can think, or I can choose to turn up the volume on my iPod with my only thought being, 'just breathe.'

You don't realize how much you think until you aren't thinking, or thinking less than usual that is, because, let's be honest, there is never really a time in our lives where we're not thinking about anything at all. It's humanly impossible. But for you to understand my thought process, while I'm running it's as if I have the power to hit that non-existent switch in my brain labeled 'thoughts' from on to off, for just a few minutes.

I run because it feels good. Not during the run, no, I will admit that part sucks. I'm out of breath, my shins are killing me (I've got shin splints to thank for that), I'm sweating (obviously), and my hair's usually stuck to my face. But the second my heart rate manages to slow itself, I feel ten times better than I did when I started my run. I'm happy.

I'm proud, too. Because for once in my life I am able to discipline myself.

To be honest, I actually really dislike running. It takes all my willpower to slip on my shoes, grab my iPod, and head out the door. I could easily tell myself I'll go tomorrow, I'm too tired, etc. But I don't. And that means I'm that much closer to having control of my life again. No words can describe how good that feels.

By control I mean having the ability to make decisions that although they may not benefit me at the moment, they're doing wonders for me in the long run. The fact that I am able to motivate myself to go every day means that I have regained the ability and understanding that nothing worth having in life comes easily and that hard work, perseverance, and a little sweat, make the outcome so much sweeter.

I run because at the end of the day, I know that I've got nothing to lose (aside from my breath and a few places that were beginning to look a little flabby to be completely honest, although I will stand by my previous argument that this is not about losing weight, it is another perk), and so much more to gain from it.

Believe

I believe that laughter really is the best form of medicine, that boys still have cooties, that fairy tales exist, that love can make miracles, that we tend to complicate things, that trust and respect are not given rights but things that are earned.

I believe in having fun, finding the good in everyone (or at least trying to), chocolate fixes everything, you're never too old for Disney movies, and smiling at strangers has the potential to turn their whole day around.

I believe that candle-lit dinners are overrated, that society is responsible for a majority of the World's problems, that we are our best teachers, that we often seek advice even if we already  know the answer, that math is pointless, that there is nothing more beautiful than an old couple laughing and holding hands, that hope will get you through even the toughest of times, and that ice cream is only fattening if you think is.

I believe that to get what we want out of life we have to be willing to give in return, that nature is beauty in its purest form, that photographs should be taken anywhere and everywhere, that it's okay to cry every once in a while, that who you are isn't determined by what you say but by what you say about others.

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance, that anything is better handmade, that no matter how hard I try I'll never fully understand football, that worrying is silly, and happiness is the best goal one could have for themselves.

I believe that when we choose to believe in something, or someone, we shouldn't let anything (or anyone) change our minds. I believe that there is a reason for everything and that God wouldn't put us through it if we were not strong enough to over come it. I believe that warm weather brings out the best in people, that summer is meant for carefree living, that you shouldn't do something unless you absolutely love it, that two people can be together forever, and that there is someone out there for everyone.

I believe that looking for something makes it harder to find, stress is a waste of time, and that expectations are stupid.

Lastly, I believe that it is up to no one but ourselves to see to it that we live our lives the way we see fit and that if we want something, sitting around doing nothing is not the way to get it.

** pardon the terrible quality of the picture, but that is my wrist tattoo and I thought it fitting for this post **

Play

Relationships end for all kinds of reasons - broken trust, loss of interest, sometimes you even 'outgrow' one another. In my opinion though, there's nothing worse than losing the ability to play. I'm big on continuing to do the things I did when I was kid, like coloring in a coloring book, watching Disney movies, making cupcakes for no reason at all, having tickle fights, playing dress up, taking silly pictures, coloring Easter eggs, etc. I may be aging, but in my opinion that isn't reason enough to stop enjoying myself, in fact, I believe it should be the exact opposite...

It's important to hold onto your youth, any way that you can. Just because we're getting older doesn't mean we have to become these lifeless, boring individuals; a little immaturity (if that's what you'd like to refer to it as, personally I would consider it 'fun') never hurt anybody, as long as it's used in a positive manner.

It's relationships where the individuals involved can manage to make each other laugh, even when it seems as though nothing else could possibly go wrong, that last.

I'm not the perfect girlfriend, but I do try my hardest. And I think that although trust is important, it's not enough to hold a bland relationship together. Have a little fun. Be stupid, within reason of course. Tell knock-knock jokes if you must. I'm not suggesting you do things that you wouldn't normally do, although it never hurt, I'm simply saying that spending time with your significant other will seem a lot more enjoyable if you're not constantly worrying about making a fool of yourself - Just be you.


We tend to lose what made our relationship work in the beginning; what initially attracted us to this person suddenly seems to disappear because we become blinded by all the things they "aren't doing" or aren't doing right. We let the stresses of our lives, the things we cannot control, follow us around and ruin our moods, our lives, and our relationships...If we can recall that we had fun together at one point, we will be able to survive in the end. At least that's my theory.

We have the rest of our lives to hold serious jobs and live boring, routine lives if we so choose. Thus, we should, at the very least, let our relationships be the little reminder that fun still exists out there somewhere. In fact, let life in general be the little reminder that fun didn't die with the dinosaurs...Giggle when someone says the word 'penis' (unless, of course, it was your boss), drink a little too much every now and then, color your significant other a picture out of and old coloring book, pick them flowers, hold hands on the swings; let go of everything else for a little while and just enjoy being together and being alive!

It is scientifically proven that happy people are more attractive (;

Ironic

In a society where one minute we're told to 'just be ourselves', and the next, those same people are the ones whispering behind our backs about this and that, it's no wonder we're never satisfied.

Nothing upsets me more than how contradicting people can be. They're either encouraging those of us who aren't quite comfortable in our own skin to be a little more daring once in a while, or secretly, or maybe not so secretly, hating us for being content with who we are.

Make up your damn minds!

Although I'm in agreeance that there is such thing as too much confidence, to the point that you sound a bit full of yourself, there is nothing wrong with giving yourself a compliment or two when it's deserved. Nor is there anything wrong with being a little concerned with how you look when sporting something you don't wear often.

The problem with society, and people in general, is that we are too quick to judge. To those of us with some confidence and the balls, for lack of a better word, to tell people how we really feel, we're often viewed as cocky, arrogant individuals who pride ourselves in being bitchy or rude. On the contrary though, we don't see anything wrong with a little honesty in a world where fake is the new real...And to those of you who are more concerned with how other people view you, I will admit that I once thought of you as pathetic, quiet, and boring. I'm happy to say that I no longer feel that way, as I've made some drastic changes in the way I go about things. 

I've come to understand, as I should have from the start, that you cannot truly 'get' another human being, ever. You have not been through their trials and tribulations, which means that you haven't any idea what they've been through, seen, or done. And even if you have, you will never fully comprehend their train of thought as you do not reside inside their head. Something that may seem small and insignificant to you, may be the reason someone's entire day is ruined. 

My point being that if we want people to give us a chance, instead of stamping labels on each other's foreheads that are so far from the truth it's almost amusing, we, in turn, have to give others a chance, too. As much as I would love to live in a world where human beings do not judge one another, I know that is not possible. However, I think that if you keep an open mind and understand that we were each given the ability to think and decide for ourselves for a reason, it will become a lot easier to get along with others...

Remember, you get what you give.

Happily Never After

I've never been one to half-ass things, pardon the expression. The way I see it, either you're giving it your all or you're wasting your time. Which is why I find relationships so frustrating. You think you're putting in everything you've got, and it seems as if your significant other has better things to do. In reality, this is probably not the case, but expectations of how we think things should be tend to set us up for one disappointment after another.

I came across this quote the other day and I really couldn't have said it better myself: "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be." We have society and the media to blame for this. However, we should know better. After all, when it comes to relationships there really isn't a 'right' way to go about it. Don't get me wrong, I know (or at least I hope I do) when someone is 'wrong' for me, but I think the wrongs of relationships are a lot easier to figure out than the rights...Maybe it's just me?

Regardless, we, myself included, need to stop trying to live our lives in hopes that it will turn out like P.S. I Love You  or The Notebook. Let's be real, happily ever afters come in all shapes and sizes and the chances of yours following some Nicholas Sparks novel are slim to none (they're called novels for a reason). You're only hurting yourself (and any potential relationship you may have) when you view things this way.

My point being, that if you stop expecting and start enjoying what you've got, you'll find it's a lot easier to appreciate the little things in life.Your boyfriend may not be Prince Charming, but the fact that he gives up a Saturday night to cuddle up in bed and watch Disney movies with you should be more than any girl could ask for.

Grow Up

When I was little, my third grade teacher asked us the infamous question, "what do you want to be when you grow up?". Most of the kids in my class answered with typical responses like a teacher, a fireman, Godzilla (okay, maybe not so typical), a veterinarian, a singer, etc. When it was my turn to answer, I proudly stated that I was going to be a Princess when I got older, something I had decided a looooong time ago. I got a few snickers from the girls, and more than my fair share of dumbfounded looks from the boys. One of my classmates even had the nerve to tell me that there was no way I'd ever be a Princess when I grew up because they're 'not real.' I've always detested know-it-alls, thinking it's their given right to go around deflating your dreams with their logic...

I hate to admit it, but as I got older I realized she was right. Although Princesses do exist, they're an endangered species, residing mostly in countries outside the U.S. So, it was on to Plan B, whatever that was. To be completely honesty, I'm still not entirely sure as to what I want to do with my life, and I'm okay with that. In all honesty, the only thing that has ever concerned me, in regards to my future, was my happiness.

It frustrates me to no end to see people telling others to 'grow up' as if that's something desirable. Sure, you get to drink (legally), buy lottery tickets, even rent a car... But suddenly you're faced with all these decisions, decisions that determine your future! I miss the days where the only thing that concerned me was if I had managed to get my shoes on the right feet.

Also, who's to say what being 'grown up' truly means? You may pay your own bills, have a kid or two, or sport a beautiful diamond ring on your left hand, but if you're still going around criticizing other people for going about their lives the way they choose, you mine as well still be in third grade with that little know-it-all.

Age doesn't determine maturity, and I think people tend to forget that. I know quite a few eleven-year-olds who could tell you a lot more about what's going on in the world than your average college student. Why's that? Because we're too busy worrying about what parties we're going to tomorrow night and what kind of booze we should buy with our last ten dollars. I think that the best indicator of maturity are the types of things we choose to care about. Needless to say if you're favorite hobby is trolling on Facebook and bitching on Twitter about other people bitching on Twitter, you need to reevaluate your life a little....

My point being that we need to think about all the shit we give other people for caring about things and people, when we're doing no better ourselves. Ironic? Hardly.

I've always lived by the belief that if you can't take your own advice, you shouldn't go around dishing it out to others. You are your best teacher, after all.

With that being said, mind your own beeswax (;

Just Listen

I talk a lot, and by a lot, I mean a lot. And I hardly ever filter myself. Sometimes, I just talk for the sake of filling the silence. It's not all  meaningless banter though, most of the time the things that come out of my mouth are important (as to who else perceives it's importance is another story). I like to make people think, and I enjoy hearing other's opinions and thoughts on controversial matters.

You'll find, the more intent and open you are in a conversation, whether or not it's of interest to you, the more you learn about someone. People tend to drop little morsels about who they are, their likes and dislikes, things that upset them, without even realizing it. It's those types of things that you should hold on to. We underestimate the power we have to completely turn someones day around, for better or worse. Using the information you gain through conversation has the potential to make all the difference.

Think of it this way, say you're with a couple of friends and a few people you've never met. You're all having a conversation about movies. You voice your distaste for scary films, not thinking much of it. Weeks later, one of the boys there that night asks you out on a date. He tells you that he chose a comedy, knowing how much you dislike horror films. The fact that he remembers that, seemingly useless, little factoid about you probably makes you smile. I guarantee, if he hadn't already, he's gained your interest (and probably even a second date, if all goes well).

Communication is the key to every relationship, romantic or not. But communication isn't just how you say things, it's how you choose to listen as well. So next time you're talking to someone, devote your full attention to this person, you never know what you might learn.

Ain't it funny...

I have come to terms with the fact that loving someone is by far the biggest challenge I have ever been faced with, aside from trying to teach a five year old that flushing the toilet is nothing to be scared of...

For starters, this person has, not only the ability to give you these sudden, wonderful, unexpected feelings of euphoria, but simultaneously holds the power to emotionally shatter you into a million pieces. And this five year old thought the toilet was something to be feared. This is not an attempt to trash talk love by any means, after all, some of the best life lessons can be learned through these trial-and-error relationships. However, the optimistic person is guaranteed to exit a serious relationship with bruised and beaten heart in hand if they are not fully aware of what they're getting themselves into. And here's the catch: you can explain, warn, list, draw diagrams, even provide a written thesis, statistics and all, on love and all the things that could potentially go wrong, but it isn't until someone has experienced it for themselves, that they'll fully comprehend what any of us (us being those with the experience) are talking about.

I am completely in belief, that love is, indeed, blind. In fact, blind and reckless, at that. Love knows no boundaries, it's both patient and impatient. It defies all logic, science, and preconceived notions. It can turn even the most level-headed, down-to-Earth people into someone unrecognizable. To put it simply, love is an addiction, for lack of a better word.

One that keeps you up at night wondering how the hell they managed to find their way around that  Great Wall of China (again) you spent all that time building up, and into your heart. And you can't help but think to yourself, "here we go again."

The person who used to pride themselves in being strong, independent, and alone, is no more. And to much disappointment, you wave that white flag in surrender, giving up everything you had worked so hard to hold on to this time.

Love will do that.