Knowledge Is Power

"My heart didn't break into a thousand pieces after he left. Instead, I realized all the things he didn't do. He didn't want to hear my stories. He didn't ask me questions. He didn't smile when I was talking to him. He didn't hug me out of the blue to make me feel good. His hugs were always a preamble to something else and after he was gone, I wondered if he ever knew me at all."


This quote only begins to touch upon the seriousness of this post. When I say that I pay attention to the little things, I'm in no sense, exaggerating. I may not remember how to find the circumference of the sun or the reason why some people are born with blue eyes even though both their parents have the genes for brown ones, but I can almost guarantee that if you were to tell me something about yourself, regardless of what it was, I'd probably be able to recall your exact words fifty years from now (given that my brain hasn't turned to mush by then). 


I've said it before, but just to reiterate, getting to know someone goes beyond idle chit-chat. You can be friends with someone since the fifth grade and still not know a single thing about them. You could be dating someone for five years and not know that they had a passion for art or that they wanted to be a doctor when they grew up but their parents didn't have the money for Medical school.


Unless you're me, you probably don't go around dishing out random facts about yourself, and that's probably because we're growing up in a world that has taught us that it's better to 'fit in' than stand out, yet we continue to encourage everyone to 'be themselves'. Thus, we keep our REAL hobbies and dreams to ourselves, for the most part, in fear that people will judge us or that we will come across as 'different' (God forbid).


I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, those of us who don't care much about other people's opinions have no problem voicing the fact that we enjoy books in which the main character struggles in some way, that we hate scary movies because they give us nightmares, that writing is something we're passionate about, and that peppermint gum makes us feel sick despite the popular belief that it is, in fact, supposed to ease the feeling of nausea. Although that may not seem like crucial information, the fact that some people I've been 'friends' with for years couldn't even tell you any of that, saddens me. Just because you can state the obvious: favorite color, family member's name, etc., doesn't mean that you truly KNOW a person.

It all comes down to your listening skills. Too often we prematurely label something as insignificant, and thus make it easily forgettable, banned to the back of our minds where it will reside until someone has reminded us for the fifth time, and are now extremely offended to have to tell us again, that they're allergic to chocolate. If we allowed ourselves to pay attention to people when they talk, we would learn a thing or two.


I know I've already posted about listening and how crucial it is, but I don't think people understand how much they miss when they choose to disregard the things that people bring up or point out in a conversation.


For example, I can't remember what movie it was, but this one scene immediately etched itself into my mind forever: the girlfriend was being pursued by this other guy, even though she already had a boyfriend. The boyfriend was some popular douche bag jock who didn't know a thing about her. The other boy proved this point to her by telling her the scent/flavor of her favorite chewing gum, something she later brings up to her boyfriend who can't tell her what it is to save his life and then dismisses it as something that 'doesn't matter.' The point being that it may not be the most important piece of information in the world, but the fact that this boy, whom she had never paid much attention to, could tell her more about herself than her boyfriend, whom she spent endless amount of time with, made her wonder who truly cared more for her.


It makes me wonder how many of the people I've dated actually knew me at all, or just pretended to out of fear that I'd hand them a pop quiz and dump them if they failed...


I don't expect people to remember literally every little thing that comes out of my mouth, because, let's face it, that'd be impossible. I do expect that those I consider myself close to remember the things I tell them, like the fact that I write, or that, until recently I was deathly afraid of heights, that I'd do anything to be able to sing, that I don't believe in marriage (and why I feel this way), or even the reason why I cannot stand goats. 


My point being, please, just listen.