Run

I'm not training for any marathons. I'm not doing it to lose weight, although I've noticed some areas of my body starting to become toned and defined. I don't do it for the exercise, although I will admit that I'm seriously out of shape. I run because it helps.

It helps me think, like the fog of every day stress and bullshit (pardon my language) of life is being lifted, if only briefly, giving me a chance to see things clearly or at least in a different light. It helps me let go of things like anger and frustration. It allows for me to put all that negative energy into each and every step so that by the time I'm finished, too tired to go another inch, I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

My mind is always so crowded, thoughts constantly pushing and shoving one another in order to get to the front of the line, so to speak. My mind never rests. Running gives me that option. I can think, or I can choose to turn up the volume on my iPod with my only thought being, 'just breathe.'

You don't realize how much you think until you aren't thinking, or thinking less than usual that is, because, let's be honest, there is never really a time in our lives where we're not thinking about anything at all. It's humanly impossible. But for you to understand my thought process, while I'm running it's as if I have the power to hit that non-existent switch in my brain labeled 'thoughts' from on to off, for just a few minutes.

I run because it feels good. Not during the run, no, I will admit that part sucks. I'm out of breath, my shins are killing me (I've got shin splints to thank for that), I'm sweating (obviously), and my hair's usually stuck to my face. But the second my heart rate manages to slow itself, I feel ten times better than I did when I started my run. I'm happy.

I'm proud, too. Because for once in my life I am able to discipline myself.

To be honest, I actually really dislike running. It takes all my willpower to slip on my shoes, grab my iPod, and head out the door. I could easily tell myself I'll go tomorrow, I'm too tired, etc. But I don't. And that means I'm that much closer to having control of my life again. No words can describe how good that feels.

By control I mean having the ability to make decisions that although they may not benefit me at the moment, they're doing wonders for me in the long run. The fact that I am able to motivate myself to go every day means that I have regained the ability and understanding that nothing worth having in life comes easily and that hard work, perseverance, and a little sweat, make the outcome so much sweeter.

I run because at the end of the day, I know that I've got nothing to lose (aside from my breath and a few places that were beginning to look a little flabby to be completely honest, although I will stand by my previous argument that this is not about losing weight, it is another perk), and so much more to gain from it.